🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?